We hear the word kinky on a regular basis, mostly in jokes and innuendos, as a way of describing something sexually odd. The reality is that there is no set definition for what “kinky” is. Kinky (kink) is defined as a sexual practice hat maybe considered taboo or contradictory to societal norms. As a result individuals from different cultures backgrounds, and upbringings have a different idea of what kinky is. For some individuals, it is anything in the bedroom that goes beyond plain vanilla sex. Some people think of sex, as well… just sex. Adding anything to it, makes it kinky. That includes anything from a basic role playing to some mild fuzzy handcuffs. If it isn’t two people and a bed, it is kinky. On the other extreme of it, are those who hear the word and think “gag me, tie me, and spank me”. This sexual interest is known as bondage, or BDSM. It is generally characterized by whips, chains, restraints, gags and other sex toys. While these interests may come of as odd, for some it is a lifestyle; the BDSM lifestyle.
BDSM is dissected as bondage, sadism, and masochism. On the surface they may seem to be a unique grouping of fetishes, however they are a very intricate close knit fabric that, among its community, is beauty in and of its self. A fetish is defined as a habitual erotic response to any object or non genital part of the body. We all have arousals that arise for reasons aside from simple emotional attraction. Some may experience a heightened sense of arousal from a certain style of lingerie or a dirty talk. This is no different in the psyche than one who engages in the BDSM lifestyle.
The core dynamic of the BDSM lifestyle is the roles of master and servant. These rules rules which date thousands of years have always elicited a feeling of taboo. In general most individuals assume a sexual role as a Domme or a Sub. A Domme is more so a guide than who leads the sub on adventure of challenges through their mind and actions. These adventures may be physically or emotionally gratifying. As odd as this may sound much of the BDSM lifestyle is about mental aspect of dominate. Anyone can learn to put aside physical pain and withstand it, however when we deal with the mental aspect we grow as a person.
Very often in our life we are forced to portray the roles society lies for us, but the BDSM lifestyle changes that and gives us a way to escape. For example men who are generally pressured to take charge, can give up control. Although this may be hard for them to do as a result of gender roles, the BDSM lifestyle encourages and and reward the behavior. The rewarding is also twofold for a Domme. The control elements at hand of the Domme may not be experienced outside of the BDSM setting. Also when the Sub has a breakthrough it is rewarding for the Domme, and satisfaction can be taken in knowing they were had a presence in the mental growth of another individual.
With the mental aspect being important, the BDSM setting is significant. Most individuals in the lifestyle create a dungeon for their use or have access to an erotic club with a dungeon for use. The dungeon is the setting for for the Domme roles and the challenges the Sub must overcome. With the BDSM lifestyle being primarily about challenges the dungeon setting represents those challenge situation faced in the real world. It is important that this dungeon allows the sub to have free zone. A place where it is okay show their vulnerability without fear of scrutiny. With the dungeon will come with the use many sex toys and accessories. The average dungeon will include such things as a sex whips, ropes, chains, floggers, and lesbian sex toys such as stap-on dildos.
There will always be people who cannot comprehend the BDSM lifestyle cannot get it passed that the lifestyle isn’t about kinks, fetishes or sex but rather mental growth. It is sad that the lifestyle is often misunderstood and discredited as some form of sexual deviation. The reality is that it is about trust, respect and growth between two people.